I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
