I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
