You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize