I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
