I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize