my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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