thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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