my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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