I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
