she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
