sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
