If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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