i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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