Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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