I CAN MOONWALK!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
