Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
