Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
