had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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