it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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