It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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