You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
