I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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