He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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