I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
