I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
