If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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