clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
