its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
