I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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