I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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