Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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