I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
