I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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