dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
