Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is wine microwaveable?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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