Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize