I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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