Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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