my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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