dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
