im about as happy as oj after his trial
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
