No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
