do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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