You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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