A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
