Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
