So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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