My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
