i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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