they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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