you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
