Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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