I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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