do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
