he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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