what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize