You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
