i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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