Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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