Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
