Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
