This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
