apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize