i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize