I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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