miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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