Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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