you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
