My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
