Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
