Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
