she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize